FAMILY BOND. Widowed mom, Dona Marie Marcayda-Loveres, 39, and her sons in this undated photo. Marcayda-Loveres said she believes spending quality time with one's children is the best way to celebrate Mother's Day. (Photo courtesy of Dona Marie Marcayda-Loveres)
DARAGA, Albay – Of the 15 million single parents in the Philippines, nine out of 10 are women.
As we celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday, we pay tribute to a widowed mom who is proudly bearing the brunt of solo parenthood on her shoulders, all in the name of love.
The sole provider
Dona Marie Marcayda-Loveres, 39, can still vividly recall the most precious Mother's Day gift she received from her sons in 2020.
"My two boys, aged 8 and 9 at the time, came to me with a handwritten card and two makeshift envelopes, their edges carefully secured with tape," she recounted. "As I opened them, I discovered money neatly folded inside the bond paper. They had willingly given me their savings as a gift so I could buy food for them."
"I remember how hard I cried because I never realized that even at such a young age, they understood our struggles," she said wistfully.
The public school teacher in Albay province, who became a single mother of two after her husband died of bacterial meningitis, said Mother's Day has always been a bittersweet experience, ever since she became a widow in 2014, as the hallmark day always brings a wave of nostalgia.
"My late husband was a remarkably simple man. I remember, on Mother’s Day, he would always ask me if I preferred flowers or groceries instead. He would cook the most special dish, and we would spend the entire day together at home," she said.
"He was a man of service, a true family man."
Forced into the solo journey of parenthood with two toddlers, aged 2 and 3, while still pursuing her education degree, Dona Marie said life was never easy during those tumultuous years.
"I had to juggle my time taking care of my kids, doing school work, working as a private tutor, and selling everything from cheese sticks to cooked corn just to earn money because I needed to buy milk, diapers, and my school needs – all while grieving for my spouse. It was not a simple journey," she said.
In retrospect, she said, assuming the role of both mother and father is the most daunting challenge of being a solo parent.
"When they were young, every time I went to work, I would tell them, ‘Papa will go out now to buy the things that you need,’ and when I finally arrived home, I would say, ‘Mama is here now to take care of you,’" she said pensively.
Wrestling with guilt
Dona Marie said her greatest struggle is wrestling with the gnawing guilt of not being able to provide everything that she believes her children need.
She shared that over the years, however, she has learned that the best antidote to these feelings of inadequacy is having a proper mindset and practicing self-compassion.
"I congratulate myself for small wins. Whenever I am able to juggle private tutoring sessions after a day's work at school and still find time to assist my sons with their homework, I feel very fulfilled," she added.
Now that her sons are on the cusp of their teen years, the proud mom said she makes it a priority to be available for her children.
This, however, is no easy feat, as she juggles her work responsibilities as a public school teacher while also running a private tutorial class and a layout and printing business.
"Celebrating Mother’s Day is always a joyous occasion. It is very special for me because my boys never fail to tell me how strong I am. The cards they prepare for me are filled with words of love and gratitude."
Beacon of hope
As the world pays tribute to all the mothers worldwide, Dona Marie’s inspiring journey serves as a beacon of hope for widowed moms navigating the unique challenges of solo parenting.
"No matter how hard life may seem, even when we don't understand why things happen, we must remember that there is always somebody up there who will always light our way," she said.
"It may not be greener on this side of our lives, but our children will always make it brighter. Just believe and never forget to pray."
Asked how she was able to make it through, she proudly said, "I am a strong woman because I was raised by a very strong mother." (PNA)
